Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Waking Up: My Spiritual Journey

My Spiritual Journey began when my Grandfather, the kindest and most loving man I knew, passed away. I didn’t actively search for greater meaning or clarity, but instead watched a specific series of events unfold before me, thus reigniting my interest in and awareness of the metaphysical world.  For me, this is the most logical place to begin the story of my journey, as it not only marks the beginning of this blog, but also narrates my reintroduction to the afterlife, courtesy of my Grandfather.

Five years ago, on January 19th, after a decade of confusion and searching to find my way in life, I woke up. My Grandfather had just passed away after months of hospital stays and a roller coaster of diagnoses and emotion. Every part of my life was in chaos. I was recovering from a deep depression, I hated my field of study, I was tied up in school politics that inadvertently threatened my academic career and future, my family and I were falling apart due to stress and exhaustion, and on top of that, I had just lost the one person in my life who made me feel as though I was loved unconditionally and couldn’t fail.

Any time things felt too difficult, I would slip my hand into my Grandpa’s and somehow he had a way of silencing my fears and calming my nerves. In these moments of silent comfort, it was as though my Grandpa and I had a higher understanding of one another; one that needn’t be voiced, but could simply be felt through our connection; and now after a horror story of negligent Doctors and nurses, my Grandpa was gone.

The next couple of days were a haze as my family struggled to make funeral arrangements, working to secure decisions about the funeral home, service, casket, memorial card and obituary; things that became consuming and yet, were so insignificant after this loss. The details of the upcoming day were where everyone found solace; focusing all of their attention on anything they could to avoid thinking about the reality of the situation.

It was the night before the funeral when it happened. It was only a few hours before I had to be awake again, yet I continued to scan photographs of my Grandpa’s life. The slide show was the detail that I was able to focus on and it had to be perfect; it was my way of honoring him and presenting him the way I thought he would want to be remembered. While creating the slide show and adding music, one song felt as though it didn’t fit. I was emotionally drained and considered leaving the song in, even though I didn’t think it would have appealed to him in life. Whether it was by chance or a belief in something greater, I suggested out loud that my Grandpa would not like the song, and all of a sudden, my computer screen started to flicker, displaying what looked like the “static station” on a television. I laughed a little at the coincidence and agreed to remove the song, my screen returning to normal immediately. I thought perhaps it could be an error in the music file, so I tried again, and this time nothing happened; the screen stayed the same. I brushed the occurrence off as a fluke, but still decided to change the song, a part of me recognizing what had really happened. As I found the appropriate song and completed the slideshow for my Grandpa’s funeral, a wave of comfort and exhaustion washing over me, and I retired to bed. In the days following his funeral, I tried to withdraw and protect myself from the reality of the situation, and yet, unexplainable events began to occur, making me feel as though I had to stay connected and share them with my family. On the day that I declined to go to my Grandparents house, I was remember laying in bed crying, when my cell phone, which had been powered off, began to ring. As I reached for my phone, sure I had turned it off, the call display glowed with my Grandpa’s name, only to have nobody on the other end when I answered. Other times, I would walk into a room, while home alone, and feel as though he had just been there, the scent of his aftershave lingering. I knew that these little “coincidences” were more than just chance occurrences and that something was waking up within me to help me to perceive my Grandpa’s presence. Now, with hindsight and some understanding of metaphysical world, I realize that my Grandpa was still holding my hand, even after his death, helping me to navigate through such a difficult time in my life and find comfort in his presence.

In the last four years I have been guided to write. I have decided to create this blog as a record of experiences that I  have been fortunate enough to bare witness to and other times, experience first hand. It will act as a narration for my adventures, struggles, and learning as I find and create my way along my spiritual journey. My hope is that each reader will find something of resonance to take away as well as something to add to encourage the evolution of our own personal growth.

Thank you so much for reading and please feel free to share your comments, stories, and struggles either for feedback or simply because you feel guided to share.

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